Personal Value

I attend a postgraduate writing seminar on Wednesdays that's run through the Writing Center here on campus. It's mostly intended for masters and MPhil students, so there is not much I can take away from the class, but I still like going because it gets me out of my room for a while and confirms the things that I know.

The class is mostly filled with International students, including another American in the English department, though she is a creative writer and is prone to creative-writerly thoughts. There are two Chinese students in the English department, studying postmodernism. The arts students and I tend to sit on the right side of the room.

Then, there are six biological science students. Four of these are from Africa, though various countries on the continent. One is from either England or Ireland (I have a hard time telling the difference between the accents), and one from South Asia (India, Pakistan, or somewhere thereabouts, I think; her, I am assuming based on accent and appearance).

Today in class, we talked about research questions and hypotheses, ending with a small group discussion that led us to reflect on the importance of our work.

Now, it's assumed that my value to society is minimal. At the most, I can help people understand the way that Art (big "A" art) reflects the reader's/viewer's ideology. I can help the reader better understand the reader's self by theorizing the way the literature works. This is shaky ground, and a fundamental problem that stems from studying something ephemeral and commercially useless. It could be said that my role in society is to determine what art is valuable, but that is even shakier ground on which to stand, nor a job I am comfortable doing. Not to bog my reader down in the minutiae of social theories, my hesitance stems from the rise of a literate middle class that is prepared to make these decisions on their own. I am not sure that reading more books about comics gives me the critical stance to say what is best for you, who could also read these same books (because, clearly, you are reading this, proving you can read). Really, what this boils down to is that I am useless to society. Not as useless as, say, a philosopher or a sculptor, but I am down on the list of things a society needs. Once the bombs hit, there will be little reason to reserve a spot on the last shuttle off the planet.

My inferiority complex was kicked and punched by listening to the topics these science-minded folk are writing about. All of them, across the board, were concerned with making our planet a more livable place. Some of them were directly concerned with providing food to nations that had limited access to resources like water. For example, one man was looking into the genetically modifying food for developing countries and the economic impacts therein. Another woman was looking at how genetically modified soy could feed millions in Nigeria. Another young woman was interested in finding out how we can tell what the prey eats from the stomach content of the predator (if I am understanding correctly, she wants to examine the stomach contents of, say, a lion to see what the gazelle ate earlier in the day). Words like gene-flow, developing countries, and genetically modified were all in conjunction with food.

The research done by these people will make the world a better place, visibly. There will be more food on tables, cleaner water, healthier civilians, and improved living conditions for everyone. Nations will have science experts pouring over this material to look for the viability of the proposed solutions to real world problems. Actions will be taken. The sun will rise on a new improved country.

My thesis will sit on the library shelf, published on-line, and generally ignored in the swath of similar books that no one ever reads because there is no reason to. I really wonder, at times, what I am doing here. Shouldn't I be applying my intelligence to something more useful than colorfully drawn images for people to read when they have time? Shouldn't I be more concerned with the people who have to walk miles just for water? People who go days without food because water is so scarce? Shouldn't I worry more about the well-being of Man, than the interesting things that come from the art that comes from well-fed men and women?

Man, I thought as I left, I am not contributing. I am wasting my God-given talents. I started thinking about how long it would take to brush up on my science work so that I could get an MA and PhD in biological science and help out bigger causes.

Unfortunately, the Best American Comics were sitting on my desk in my room, and I quickly forgot what I was thinking about while reading Turtle, Keep it Steady!